Archive for October, 2009

Little secret

Wednesday, October 14th, 2009

One day, the Garden of Eden, Eve says to God:

- God, I have a problem!
- What is your problem, Eve?
- Oh, I know you created me, gave me this beautiful garden and all these fantastic animals and you’ve put me on this snake and terribly funny from me, but just not happy.
- Why are not happy, Eva? the question comes up.
- Oh, only, and I and sick of eating apples.
- Well, Eve, in this case I found a solution to your problem. I will create for you man, and I will put you together.
- What is a man?
- This man is a creature missed, with many mistakes and bad character traits. She’ll lie, you cheat yourself and you’ll be incredibly vain and confident. In a word, you will make life a living hell. But it will be longer, stronger and faster, and will have the pleasure to hunt and kill things. You look funny when excited, but because you were crying I will create so that you satisfy carnal needs. Will be lisp of humor and love more than anything fighting or ball playing. Will not have too much mind, so your advice will need to be able to think properly.
- Well, sounds fantastic, “said Eva raising the eyebrow.
Where is sore? she asked.
- Well, you can have under one condition.
- What is it, a God?
- As I said, will be proud and arrogant and will always admire himself. You’ll have to let him believe that he was first created. Remember, it must remain our little secret.
You know … like the woman. \ “

 

About men … and not only

Wednesday, October 14th, 2009

To marry a divorced man is an ecological debt. In a world where there are more women than men, men must necessarily use several times.

When looking to match, men imagine that, if we focus, help their favorite team.

If you want attention you do not get involved with a man during play-off season.

Men like phones with lots of buttons. This phone makes them feel important.

Men love to be her first to read the morning paper.

All men look look gross in sandals, black socks.

By the way a man looks in the mirror, you can deduct if you and May to nothing but him.

Do not try to teach a man, in public, to do or say something. Advice should be given at home. In public, he must know everything.

Men who start cheleasca, gate cap.

Men love watches with calendar, alarm, music etc..

All men are loathe to say \ “We need to talk about us \”. These seven words strike in all devils.

Men have a strange way to be sensitive.

Men are brave enough to go to war, but not enough courage to accept to make an injection.

Men do not have cellulite.

Women take the toilets of other women more seriously than they do men.

No you never hear a man at a party saying \ “Oh God, someone dressed in May gray suit! \”

If a man cooking for you more than one dish, precisely is serious.

When three or more men get together, talk about sports. (When three or more women get together, talk about men.)

Association of ideas is like a woman: \ “I love. By the way, you have to buy me a bra. \” A man said: \ “He won my team. By the way, you have to go car to the garage. \”

Do not worry if a man says \ “You call me \” and not sound. You can be sure he has not forgotten, not lost your number, is not dead. Just never wanted to call you.

Men do not like to lose.

Men who can eat anything they want and not gain weight should eat only when there are women present.

It’s a problem if you want to get rid of a man without him hurt. Phrases like \ “get out \” or \ “I do not want to see you \” do nothing but force you to give him explanations as to get rid of him. Try to say \ “I love you, I want to marry you, I want to have children \”. You leave without asking for explanations.

Men accept compliments more easily than women. For example: \ “Costa, look very good today \”.
Costa: \ “Thank you \”.
Conversely: \ “Maria, you look great. \”
Maria: \ “Yeah probably because of light. \”

Men who listen to classical music do not really spit.

Men are more confident because, since childhood, to see some legendary heroes.
Women are less safe for all life they want to be like a Barbie doll.

When a woman tries a dress who is tight think that was gained. When a man tries some clothes that are tight, thinking that they entered the water.

Andropauza is more fun than menopause. When I gain weight and she is depressed, while young men begin to approach girls and spend.

Men forget everything. Women remember everything.

 

Communication between two persons of opposite sex

Wednesday, October 14th, 2009

Language women
Yes = No
No = Yes
Maybe = No
I’m sorry = you be sorry
We need = I
You decide = You’ll pay for it later
We need to talk = I need to cry
Sure, how about you = do not want
No upset = Of course I’m upset, you idiot!
You’re very attentive tonight = Do not think only about sex?
Do you love me? = I’ll ask something expensive
How much do you love me? = I did something not sure you’ll love.
Trebuiesa learn to communicate = just be agree with me.
Are you listening?? (Too late, you’re dead)
Nothing = Everything
All = PMS makes his head
Although nothing = you’re just a fool

The language of men
I’m hungry = I’m hungry
I’m tired = I’m tired
Want to go to a movie? = Finally I want to have sex with you
Can I ask you out? = Finally I want to have sex with you
Can I call you? = Finally I want to have sex with you I you grant this dance? – Finally I want to have sex with you
Nice dress! = Nice cleavage!
What happened? = Do not understand why so appropriate
What happened? = I take it I do not have sex tonight
I’m bored = Do you want to have sex?
I love you = Let’s have sex now
I love you too = Okay, I said it … you’d better have sex now!
Let’s talk = I am trying to impress you showing that you are a sensitive person and you may then want to have sex with me.
Will you marry me? = I want to be illegal to have sex with men.

 

Tips for women

Wednesday, October 14th, 2009

Learn to be done to cover the bathroom. You big girl. If high, let him down. We need it up, should you need it down. We do not hear us complaining that you left us down.

Anniversaries are some tests to check if we can find the perfect gift again!

Sometimes we think of you. Reconciled to the idea.

Sunday = sports. It’s like the full moon or the changing seasons. Let it so.

Do not cut your hair. Never. Long hair is always more seductive than the short one. One of the main reasons why men are afraid of cold feet is that married women always cut their hair, and then stay with it.

The shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we could never see such things.

A complaint is blackmail.

Ask what you want. Let me get this straight: subtle hints do not work! Normal hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Just say!

Do not remember dates. Mark your birthday and anniversary in calendar. Let us remember before.

Most men have only three pairs of shoe-tops. What makes you think we can be of any use to choose which of the thirty pairs of shoes you would sit well with that dress?

Yes and No responses acceptable to almost all questions.

Come to us with a problem only if you want to helping you solve. That we can do. Compassion are made for your friends.

A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. Go to a doctor.

Check oil pressure! Please.

All we said 6 months ago is no longer relevant. In fact, any comment I have made are discharged after 7 days.

If you do not dress like girls in catalog Victoria \ ‘s Secret, do not expect to behave like characters in soap us.

If you think you are fat, you may. We do not ask us. Refused to answer.

If something I said has a double meaning, and one of them get upset or annoyed you, understood correctly is another.

You often ask us to do something or tell us how you want something done. Not both. If you really know how to do best, do it yourself.

When possible, please say what you have to say during commercials.

Christopher Columbus did not need to be providing direction, and no we do not.

Our relationship will never be as it was in the first two months. Get over it. And friends will not complain.

ALL men see in 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not color. Cherry is also a fruit. We have no idea what is \ “purple \”. Or \ “purple \”.

If you eat, you must scratch. We deal with this.

Do not read thoughts, nor do we ever. Even if we do not read thoughts, does not mean that we take from you.

If you ask what happened, and we say \ “no \”, we will conduct itself. We know you lied, but not worth our worry.

If you ask a question that you do not want an answer, Expect an answer you do not want to hear it.

I have to go somewhere, whatever you wear will be okay.

We asked what we think, unless you are prepared to talk about sports, cars or computers.

We have enough clothes.

You have too many clothes.

There is none in your interest or ours to do it together. No matter what test.

Thank you if you read these lines. Yes, I know you have to sleep on the couch tonight, but the facts as we just did not bother us, is like camping.

I feel in shape. ROUND is a shape.

 

What signs corresponding to each astrology

Wednesday, October 14th, 2009

If fate would carry back each one signs, which would have it ..

Aries – Stopping and standing are prohibited.

Taurus – narrow road. Coping prohibited.

Gemini – tourist information point.

Cancer – Fasten your seat belt!

Leo – Download a priority.

Virgo – return prohibited!

Libra – Intersectie nesemaforizata.

Scorpio – Warning! Succession of very dangerous curves.

Sagittarius – End of all restrictions.

Capricorn – speed limits.

Aquarius – Paid Parking. Limited time 1 h.

Pisces – slippery road and bumps.

 

Zodiac defects

Wednesday, October 14th, 2009

Rams: It is said that people born under the sign of Aries does not shine in the chosen profession. Imagine big plans, these people are not really able to them and go again. Will not, do you \ “gas \”, as they say, to follow up the fulfillment of one goal. Aries not stand alone, are often dependent on others and some individuals manifest as superficial. Although social beings and need to allow people-RAM will be, not infrequently at odds with other fellows. Selfish, Aries are unstable and in love. It also says about Aries people that are weak to Fire.

Bulls: Although it may seem impressive, Taurus is a trivial type, dull. It is what is called a land man, no idea of flying to high. -Taurus people agree things are not complicated and take pleasure in conservatism. Almost as enemies change, revolution. Comfortable \ “in their own sauce \” will not be bothered. Taurus has a flaw: he does not know to select the friends. Also, Taurus is accused of that opinion and that does not have the courage it can usually gossip.

Gemini: People born under this zodiac sign are like the weather: snow now, now rain, now sunshine, now it’s cloudy. Impetuous, natives of Gemini will occupy, without realizing it, more room under the sun than the others, which will make them not very pleasant, especially in the work team. Easily persuaded, Gemini will create problems of their partners and, furthermore, there are long tongue. As they do, sometimes twins are stretched more than it can afford, than is humanly possible and, therefore, can reach embarrassing situations. Twins may be haunted by some passion.

Crayfish: Natives of Cancer are often children eat and drink, real slaves of the belly. They like too much to be in the spotlight, to be flatter, applaud, congratulate. Like RAM, Crayfish are weak beings inside. Often, they are dainty, making them the closest hard life. Dominated by the Moon, crayfish borrow the mysteries of the globe and are difficult to understand. Outside, in society, crayfish can dispute. A side event, unimportant can make it worse over the head. Crayfish is said to be jealous and that is angry quickly.

Lei: Natives of the zodiac are some selfish children, counting them and them only. For this reason, the Lions are and revenge. Imagine how are easily accept flattery. Lions keep very much in their own image and therefore will not lose no time and no means to and a better. Although very powerful, Lions not too easy and can form a scale of values and, from here on, will not be able to understand than others.

Virgin: Those born in Virgo may Madden, can annoy their nature due to German law, Prussian. Natives of Virgo are too serious, too harsh, too lacking in spontaneity, too orderly. Privacy of those born under the sign of Virgo is like a fortress, impossible to conquer. Generally, they enjoy life with very little tumult of these native of the Virgin. Bothered nailed in their patterns, they can be violent and capable of revenge duly put to.

Libra: They say people born on the Libra sign is that every defect or. Here, there, as to other Astrology, one, two or three bad for natives are under the same sign. However, one conclusion can come off: and people born in Libra are defecte.De example, Libra will destroy the balance of taste if you give money. All scales may suffer from megalomania, the avarice, of cowardice. But the natives are under the sign of the zodiac may be, in certain circumstances, even lazy, or may give evidence of foul.

Scorpio: Natives of Scorpio can parse, suspicious and they all have a limit that must not be exceeded under any circumstances. Also, Scorpios are lacking in initiative, energy and, therefore, not once, will stay in post as simple execution. Otherwise, the Scorpions are amateurs of pleasure and orgies. May in certain circumstances favorable to their lazy beyond measure. Watch from a distance, the Scorpions seem torn people of the world.

Sagittarius: People born under this zodiac sign can have on their being a certain amount of irresponsibility. I gafeuri without realizing it. Wrong with innocence. Not take into account the risks, failures. Astrologers say about Sagittarius, in general, that is a foolish way to react to the challenges of others and that is a weak inner balance. Usually, Sagittarians not and calculated moves, but only intuiesc.Desi they have their eyes open, they do not see often.

Capricorn: This is some labor slaves, whether to work for the deaf may be a defect. Natives of Capricorn are men of the moment. Lovers of money, do not know what to do with them. Do not like risk and the damage is bad. Are unforgiving, do not like to hit correctly. Often, those born under the sign of the Zodiac can be free-thinkers. Natures revenge, revenge tin to lead to an end. They say about those born in the zodiac of Capricorn that are very stubborn. On the sentimental, those of Capricorn can be some pragmatic, some interesati.Femeile of Capricorn will do our best to play at home, instead Cocosului.

Aquarius: These people, Varsatorii, are made to sit in their square. Although feelings were very rich, very diverse, these feelings will never be the heights. Varsatorii not familiar situations. And natives were but a fault of Aquarius: they are lazy, typical for many of them. In this context, Varsatorii are people who sleep too much, you could say they’re \ “professional \” of sleep. Plan sentimental Varsatorii not live at all intense.

Pisces: Paradoxically, those born in the sign Pisces likes to talk a lot without saying anything. For their own way in the Pisces natives are not imbued with the democratic spirit and principles are radical. Often, Pisces is maladjusted. Sometimes, those born under the zodiac sign it is difficult to think in perspective. When you have difficulties, can become selfish and authoritarian. People-fish are characterized by a flood of doubts though, apparently, everything is OK.

 

Replies for hanging according to zodiac

Wednesday, October 14th, 2009

Aries
\ “I look at you for half an hour and feel like starting to take fire. You got to lend me a douche? \”

Taurus
\ “I came to talk to you for cuteness is my weakness. \”

Gemini
\ “Could you recommend me something to read? Did I read about you’re just the kind of person I could trust. \”

Cancer
\ “Can I borrow a dime for the phone please beautiful? I call my mom to tell her I met the person they want to marry. \”

Leo
\ “It is hot in here or just around you? \”

Virgo
\ “It’s slippery here or why I fell back when I saw you? \”

Libra
\ “If I buy a rose for every time I think of you, now I have a whole garden. \”

Scorpio
\ “So we go to you or me? \”

Sagittarius
\ “Hi. I’m writing a paper on \” The most beautiful things in life \ “. I could get an interview you? \”

Capricorn
\ “Have always been so attractive or had to work hard for it? \”

Aquarius
\ “Maybe you’re the reason why global warming. For when I look at you I began to warm. \”

Pisces
\ “You are as attractive as a personality as you like physically? \”

 

Comments by gender according to the zodiac

Wednesday, October 14th, 2009

RAM: Okay, let’s get it over again.

Taurus: I was hungry did. Let’s order a pizza!

Gemini: You have seen somewhat remote? Ah, I received 5 calls in November.

Cancer: I want to spend my whole life with you. Want to get married?

Leo: What do you think? Right, that are simply fantastic (a)?

Virgo: Hmm, let that go to take a shower. When I return, I and sheets to wash.

Scales: Well, I liked when you liked and you. And, as you said, you like?

Scorpio: Maybe it would be if you untie you now. Stay calm, and loose (a) all mine / mine are.

Sagittarius: Do not call. I’ll call you on.

Capricorn: You have a card? About which is your monthly salary? And you say you have a future career?

Aquarius: Now let’s try without any clothes on us.

Pisces: Oh, I say your name?

 

What think about each zodiac while having sex

Wednesday, October 14th, 2009

Aries – \ “Wow, how good it is to be over and have held control. Let’s finish quickly, must follow and that after the 2nd round. \”

Taurus – \ “I wonder what will the food in the refrigerator? Miami, pralines those waiting for me in Buffalo. Did I go now to get one to enjoy it together? \”

Gemini – \ “I wonder what X wanted to tell me the phone. I have to call him. Oh, and in 9 starts Talkshow ala that you should not miss. \”

Cancer – \ “Do as we have to wait until we’re married. Oh, I love you. \”

Leo – \ “I think I came back this time. Sometimes I even amaze myself. I stay really good hair? Should I head a little to get my chest worth. \”

Virgo – \ “Oof, what a plight I sweat. Now it is time to change the point where it / rubbing and a pass to another area. \”

Libra – \ “Oh, how beastly (a) is. Semisca How fantastic. Do not be upset that I more initiative. Do and his / her likes? You should / rubbing one more? Let’s jam a little hard though. \ ”

Scorpio – \ “Ahhh, mmmmm … Are we too connected? \”

Sagittarius – \ “What am I sometimes perverse. But even looks good from this angle. Sometimes I do not know how I accept fantasies. Oh, I also got an idea. \”

Capricorn – \ “I hope and I will put my hand on some of his money. Oh, well this time not started to sweat. Traspira When not smell too good. \”

Aquarius – \ “Let’s change the position now. Oh, it’s much better. Let’s change the position again. I’m about bored, I need new ideas. \”

Pisces – \ “Looks good from this angle. It is even better so you can sit back and relax. Mmm, I really like. I wonder how a / his name? \”

 

50 reasons why it s great to be male

Wednesday, October 14th, 2009

1. All persons have someone good.
2. If the person does not have anyone there for a reason.
3. The cat is a more special person, the more it’s far from you.
4. The way a person loves is inversely proportional to how much you love her.
5. Money can not buy love, but you put in a position where you can negotiate.
6. The best things in the world are free … and worth every penny.
7. Any good you do, the reaction will be not so good.
8. Decent people remain last in all.
9. If it seems too good to be true, then not so e.
10. Availability is a function of time. At the same time you are interested in a person, she finds someone else.
11. Nothing improves with age.
12. Gender does not contain calories.
13. Gender occupy the least of time, but causes a lot of problems.
14. There is no remedy for sex, even more than sex.
15. Sex is like snow: I never know how many inches will be and how long it takes.
16. A man in the house is worth two in the street.
17. Virginity can be cured.
18. When a woman comes to understand man, it usually does not listen.
19. Do not you ever sleep with anyone crazier than you.
20. The same qualities that attract men to one woman began, after a few years can no longer tolerate.
21. Sex is \ “dirty \” only if it is done right.
22. There is always the wrong time of month.
23. The best way to know a man is in your arms.
24. When the lights, all women are beautiful.
25. Sex is hereditary. If your parents had no part, chances are high you do not have any.
26. Saturday – Sow. Sunday – Pray that you will not crop out.
27. The more young / a, the better.
28. Before you find the charming prince must kiss many brat.
29. Maybe some things are better or worse than sex. But one’s not like sex.
30. Love your neighbor. But do not be caught.
31. Love is a hole in your heart.
32. Love is a chemical problem. Sex is a physical problem.
33. Do it with the / the best / good.
34. You can make a baby in a month if you leave the new pregnant women.
35. Love is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.
36. It’s better to have loved and lost than not loved before.
37. You shall not commit adultery! … unless you want.
38. Do not sleep with a woman who has more problems than you.
39. A woman not forget that the men would have had, a man – the women would not have had.
40. No matter the length of the stick magic, but magic in it.
41. Never say no.
42. A man can be happy with any woman as long as no love.
43. Smile! That makes people wonder what you think!
44. It makes you know you can not resist.
45. There is no difference between a wise and a fool when they are in love.
46. Never sleep if you’re nervous. Stay awake and fight all the way up.
47. Love is the illusion that a woman is different than the other.
48. \ “I was gonna hurt … I promise! \”
49. One was / a husband / wife will always be \ “until death do you apart \”.
50. When a man wants a woman to listen to him, she did not listen. When he did not want her to hear, she’s all ears.
51. It’s always easier to find someone if you already have someone.
52. Love and high school must not be mixed.
53. Show me a husband who does not want, and I show you a neighbor who does.
54. No matter how good it was, if you wake up with remorse, that means it was bad.
55. The more you will meet the wrong guy for you.
56. Do not you ever trust a woman who is pulling you in bed as if you can resist.
57. No one is so special as I thought.
58. If you think a relationship can work, but feel the need to try, it will not work. Moral: You have to tell that did not work because you never really believed in it.
59. During a relationship with someone is inversely proportional to how important is the person for you.
60. Key to inside the heart of a woman is an unexpected but when unexpected.
61. Two things a man can not understand: Women and how to turn men into fools because of women.
62. Love makes us believe. Conclusion: Love fool reason.
63. When you have someone to attract women. When you’re single, you avoid like the plague women.
64. When you’re with friends, you always have gas.