Archive for the ‘Fun’ Category

Funny quotes about marriage

Monday, November 30th, 2009

marriageMarriage is give and take. You’d better give it to her or she’ll take it anyway.

My wife suggested a book for me to read to enhance our relationship. It’s titled, “Women are from Venus, Men are Wrong.”

The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.

“I’ll never let go Jack, I’ll never let go.” Rose in Titanic. Several seconds later, poor little Jack sinks to the bottom of the Atlantic…

An archaeologist is best husband a woman can have: the older she gets, the more interested he is in her.”
Agatha Christie

If a man is talking in the woods and no woman hears him… is he still wrong?

The sincerest love is the love of food.
Bernard Shaw .

(more…)

 

Finding a man

Wednesday, October 14th, 2009

In 14 years, wanted a girlfriend.

In 15 years I friend, but she was not even nice.

In 16 years I found a nice girlfriend.

In 18 years I have matured in May and I, and I said I would be a friend May my intellectual caliber.

In 20 years, in college, I found friends intelligence.

But the 22 years I realized that although it smart, it’s rather ugly.

In college things are moving fast, so the 23 years I friend and smart and very pretty, but after a year I take it that he was always depressed, with suicidal tendencies, and discourage me and me.

In 26 years I found a nice girlfriend, intelligence, and a very positive attitude, makes me and me to shine!

But, as life is a bitch, 40 years divorced me and took me everything I had, I was fooled and he found one younger, richer, etc..

Now, at 45, looking woman with big tits.

 

What you can do in the elevator

Wednesday, October 14th, 2009

Here’s what you can do in an elevator (preferably as large and as busy) to make the short trip pleasant for you but especially for others:

- To make Formula 1 cars sounds when someone enters or exits
- To blow your nose and ask them if they want to see others
- To sell Oriflame products
- You laugh
- To open your bag, to put his head in and say \ “you have enough air in there? \”
- To give every man who enters the elevator each with a name tag and wear it yours reverse
- To sit in the corner facing the wall without saying anything to get out without
- To greet all who get hot and you say to tell you \ “Admiral \ ‘
- To do yoga
- Fix another passenger after ten floors telling \ “Today I stockings November \”
- After the elevator was crowded, to say \ “Fuck, I feel like vomit! \”
- To read aloud passages of religious
- To bark from time to time
- To make bets with other passengers as you can put your coins in the nose
- To look the other passengers a wound and ask \ “you seem infected? \”
- To keep on hand a cooler box that says \ “Human organs \”
- Fix another passenger, then telling \ ‘re one of them! \ ”
- To belch and then say \ “mmm … delicious! \”
- To leave one box between the doors
- To ask every passenger to climb if you can push the button in place
- To wear a puppet on your hand that communicate with other passengers
- To play music
- To do \ “ding \” on each floor
- To get support for buttons
- Click on all buttons saying \ “what does it do? \”
- Listen to elevator walls with a stethoscope
- To draw a square foot and I announce to the other as that is your profile
- To take with you a seat
- To make bubble of saliva
- You outta your mouth and start chewing it Lungesti
- To announce a demonic voice \ “must find a new host! \”
- To make explosion sounds every time someone hit a button
- You stare at the little finger and say \ “I think the larger \”
- To block the door and not let anyone enter or leave
- To dance to the music of the elevator (it is not required even to exist)
- To ask everyone if there is a remedy for her story
- To invent a new language and be persistent in asking questions of others
- To look at the ceiling and say \ “it seems to be full moon today \”

 

Little secret

Wednesday, October 14th, 2009

One day, the Garden of Eden, Eve says to God:

- God, I have a problem!
- What is your problem, Eve?
- Oh, I know you created me, gave me this beautiful garden and all these fantastic animals and you’ve put me on this snake and terribly funny from me, but just not happy.
- Why are not happy, Eva? the question comes up.
- Oh, only, and I and sick of eating apples.
- Well, Eve, in this case I found a solution to your problem. I will create for you man, and I will put you together.
- What is a man?
- This man is a creature missed, with many mistakes and bad character traits. She’ll lie, you cheat yourself and you’ll be incredibly vain and confident. In a word, you will make life a living hell. But it will be longer, stronger and faster, and will have the pleasure to hunt and kill things. You look funny when excited, but because you were crying I will create so that you satisfy carnal needs. Will be lisp of humor and love more than anything fighting or ball playing. Will not have too much mind, so your advice will need to be able to think properly.
- Well, sounds fantastic, “said Eva raising the eyebrow.
Where is sore? she asked.
- Well, you can have under one condition.
- What is it, a God?
- As I said, will be proud and arrogant and will always admire himself. You’ll have to let him believe that he was first created. Remember, it must remain our little secret.
You know … like the woman. \ “

 

Tips for women

Wednesday, October 14th, 2009

Learn to be done to cover the bathroom. You big girl. If high, let him down. We need it up, should you need it down. We do not hear us complaining that you left us down.

Anniversaries are some tests to check if we can find the perfect gift again!

Sometimes we think of you. Reconciled to the idea.

Sunday = sports. It’s like the full moon or the changing seasons. Let it so.

Do not cut your hair. Never. Long hair is always more seductive than the short one. One of the main reasons why men are afraid of cold feet is that married women always cut their hair, and then stay with it.

The shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we could never see such things.

A complaint is blackmail.

Ask what you want. Let me get this straight: subtle hints do not work! Normal hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Just say!

Do not remember dates. Mark your birthday and anniversary in calendar. Let us remember before.

Most men have only three pairs of shoe-tops. What makes you think we can be of any use to choose which of the thirty pairs of shoes you would sit well with that dress?

Yes and No responses acceptable to almost all questions.

Come to us with a problem only if you want to helping you solve. That we can do. Compassion are made for your friends.

A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. Go to a doctor.

Check oil pressure! Please.

All we said 6 months ago is no longer relevant. In fact, any comment I have made are discharged after 7 days.

If you do not dress like girls in catalog Victoria \ ’s Secret, do not expect to behave like characters in soap us.

If you think you are fat, you may. We do not ask us. Refused to answer.

If something I said has a double meaning, and one of them get upset or annoyed you, understood correctly is another.

You often ask us to do something or tell us how you want something done. Not both. If you really know how to do best, do it yourself.

When possible, please say what you have to say during commercials.

Christopher Columbus did not need to be providing direction, and no we do not.

Our relationship will never be as it was in the first two months. Get over it. And friends will not complain.

ALL men see in 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not color. Cherry is also a fruit. We have no idea what is \ “purple \”. Or \ “purple \”.

If you eat, you must scratch. We deal with this.

Do not read thoughts, nor do we ever. Even if we do not read thoughts, does not mean that we take from you.

If you ask what happened, and we say \ “no \”, we will conduct itself. We know you lied, but not worth our worry.

If you ask a question that you do not want an answer, Expect an answer you do not want to hear it.

I have to go somewhere, whatever you wear will be okay.

We asked what we think, unless you are prepared to talk about sports, cars or computers.

We have enough clothes.

You have too many clothes.

There is none in your interest or ours to do it together. No matter what test.

Thank you if you read these lines. Yes, I know you have to sleep on the couch tonight, but the facts as we just did not bother us, is like camping.

I feel in shape. ROUND is a shape.

 

What signs corresponding to each astrology

Wednesday, October 14th, 2009

If fate would carry back each one signs, which would have it ..

Aries – Stopping and standing are prohibited.

Taurus – narrow road. Coping prohibited.

Gemini – tourist information point.

Cancer – Fasten your seat belt!

Leo – Download a priority.

Virgo – return prohibited!

Libra – Intersectie nesemaforizata.

Scorpio – Warning! Succession of very dangerous curves.

Sagittarius – End of all restrictions.

Capricorn – speed limits.

Aquarius – Paid Parking. Limited time 1 h.

Pisces – slippery road and bumps.

 

Zodiac defects

Wednesday, October 14th, 2009

Rams: It is said that people born under the sign of Aries does not shine in the chosen profession. Imagine big plans, these people are not really able to them and go again. Will not, do you \ “gas \”, as they say, to follow up the fulfillment of one goal. Aries not stand alone, are often dependent on others and some individuals manifest as superficial. Although social beings and need to allow people-RAM will be, not infrequently at odds with other fellows. Selfish, Aries are unstable and in love. It also says about Aries people that are weak to Fire.

Bulls: Although it may seem impressive, Taurus is a trivial type, dull. It is what is called a land man, no idea of flying to high. -Taurus people agree things are not complicated and take pleasure in conservatism. Almost as enemies change, revolution. Comfortable \ “in their own sauce \” will not be bothered. Taurus has a flaw: he does not know to select the friends. Also, Taurus is accused of that opinion and that does not have the courage it can usually gossip.

Gemini: People born under this zodiac sign are like the weather: snow now, now rain, now sunshine, now it’s cloudy. Impetuous, natives of Gemini will occupy, without realizing it, more room under the sun than the others, which will make them not very pleasant, especially in the work team. Easily persuaded, Gemini will create problems of their partners and, furthermore, there are long tongue. As they do, sometimes twins are stretched more than it can afford, than is humanly possible and, therefore, can reach embarrassing situations. Twins may be haunted by some passion.

Crayfish: Natives of Cancer are often children eat and drink, real slaves of the belly. They like too much to be in the spotlight, to be flatter, applaud, congratulate. Like RAM, Crayfish are weak beings inside. Often, they are dainty, making them the closest hard life. Dominated by the Moon, crayfish borrow the mysteries of the globe and are difficult to understand. Outside, in society, crayfish can dispute. A side event, unimportant can make it worse over the head. Crayfish is said to be jealous and that is angry quickly.

Lei: Natives of the zodiac are some selfish children, counting them and them only. For this reason, the Lions are and revenge. Imagine how are easily accept flattery. Lions keep very much in their own image and therefore will not lose no time and no means to and a better. Although very powerful, Lions not too easy and can form a scale of values and, from here on, will not be able to understand than others.

Virgin: Those born in Virgo may Madden, can annoy their nature due to German law, Prussian. Natives of Virgo are too serious, too harsh, too lacking in spontaneity, too orderly. Privacy of those born under the sign of Virgo is like a fortress, impossible to conquer. Generally, they enjoy life with very little tumult of these native of the Virgin. Bothered nailed in their patterns, they can be violent and capable of revenge duly put to.

Libra: They say people born on the Libra sign is that every defect or. Here, there, as to other Astrology, one, two or three bad for natives are under the same sign. However, one conclusion can come off: and people born in Libra are defecte.De example, Libra will destroy the balance of taste if you give money. All scales may suffer from megalomania, the avarice, of cowardice. But the natives are under the sign of the zodiac may be, in certain circumstances, even lazy, or may give evidence of foul.

Scorpio: Natives of Scorpio can parse, suspicious and they all have a limit that must not be exceeded under any circumstances. Also, Scorpios are lacking in initiative, energy and, therefore, not once, will stay in post as simple execution. Otherwise, the Scorpions are amateurs of pleasure and orgies. May in certain circumstances favorable to their lazy beyond measure. Watch from a distance, the Scorpions seem torn people of the world.

Sagittarius: People born under this zodiac sign can have on their being a certain amount of irresponsibility. I gafeuri without realizing it. Wrong with innocence. Not take into account the risks, failures. Astrologers say about Sagittarius, in general, that is a foolish way to react to the challenges of others and that is a weak inner balance. Usually, Sagittarians not and calculated moves, but only intuiesc.Desi they have their eyes open, they do not see often.

Capricorn: This is some labor slaves, whether to work for the deaf may be a defect. Natives of Capricorn are men of the moment. Lovers of money, do not know what to do with them. Do not like risk and the damage is bad. Are unforgiving, do not like to hit correctly. Often, those born under the sign of the Zodiac can be free-thinkers. Natures revenge, revenge tin to lead to an end. They say about those born in the zodiac of Capricorn that are very stubborn. On the sentimental, those of Capricorn can be some pragmatic, some interesati.Femeile of Capricorn will do our best to play at home, instead Cocosului.

Aquarius: These people, Varsatorii, are made to sit in their square. Although feelings were very rich, very diverse, these feelings will never be the heights. Varsatorii not familiar situations. And natives were but a fault of Aquarius: they are lazy, typical for many of them. In this context, Varsatorii are people who sleep too much, you could say they’re \ “professional \” of sleep. Plan sentimental Varsatorii not live at all intense.

Pisces: Paradoxically, those born in the sign Pisces likes to talk a lot without saying anything. For their own way in the Pisces natives are not imbued with the democratic spirit and principles are radical. Often, Pisces is maladjusted. Sometimes, those born under the zodiac sign it is difficult to think in perspective. When you have difficulties, can become selfish and authoritarian. People-fish are characterized by a flood of doubts though, apparently, everything is OK.

 

Replies for hanging according to zodiac

Wednesday, October 14th, 2009

Aries
\ “I look at you for half an hour and feel like starting to take fire. You got to lend me a douche? \”

Taurus
\ “I came to talk to you for cuteness is my weakness. \”

Gemini
\ “Could you recommend me something to read? Did I read about you’re just the kind of person I could trust. \”

Cancer
\ “Can I borrow a dime for the phone please beautiful? I call my mom to tell her I met the person they want to marry. \”

Leo
\ “It is hot in here or just around you? \”

Virgo
\ “It’s slippery here or why I fell back when I saw you? \”

Libra
\ “If I buy a rose for every time I think of you, now I have a whole garden. \”

Scorpio
\ “So we go to you or me? \”

Sagittarius
\ “Hi. I’m writing a paper on \” The most beautiful things in life \ “. I could get an interview you? \”

Capricorn
\ “Have always been so attractive or had to work hard for it? \”

Aquarius
\ “Maybe you’re the reason why global warming. For when I look at you I began to warm. \”

Pisces
\ “You are as attractive as a personality as you like physically? \”

 

Comments by gender according to the zodiac

Wednesday, October 14th, 2009

RAM: Okay, let’s get it over again.

Taurus: I was hungry did. Let’s order a pizza!

Gemini: You have seen somewhat remote? Ah, I received 5 calls in November.

Cancer: I want to spend my whole life with you. Want to get married?

Leo: What do you think? Right, that are simply fantastic (a)?

Virgo: Hmm, let that go to take a shower. When I return, I and sheets to wash.

Scales: Well, I liked when you liked and you. And, as you said, you like?

Scorpio: Maybe it would be if you untie you now. Stay calm, and loose (a) all mine / mine are.

Sagittarius: Do not call. I’ll call you on.

Capricorn: You have a card? About which is your monthly salary? And you say you have a future career?

Aquarius: Now let’s try without any clothes on us.

Pisces: Oh, I say your name?

 

What think about each zodiac while having sex

Wednesday, October 14th, 2009

Aries – \ “Wow, how good it is to be over and have held control. Let’s finish quickly, must follow and that after the 2nd round. \”

Taurus – \ “I wonder what will the food in the refrigerator? Miami, pralines those waiting for me in Buffalo. Did I go now to get one to enjoy it together? \”

Gemini – \ “I wonder what X wanted to tell me the phone. I have to call him. Oh, and in 9 starts Talkshow ala that you should not miss. \”

Cancer – \ “Do as we have to wait until we’re married. Oh, I love you. \”

Leo – \ “I think I came back this time. Sometimes I even amaze myself. I stay really good hair? Should I head a little to get my chest worth. \”

Virgo – \ “Oof, what a plight I sweat. Now it is time to change the point where it / rubbing and a pass to another area. \”

Libra – \ “Oh, how beastly (a) is. Semisca How fantastic. Do not be upset that I more initiative. Do and his / her likes? You should / rubbing one more? Let’s jam a little hard though. \ ”

Scorpio – \ “Ahhh, mmmmm … Are we too connected? \”

Sagittarius – \ “What am I sometimes perverse. But even looks good from this angle. Sometimes I do not know how I accept fantasies. Oh, I also got an idea. \”

Capricorn – \ “I hope and I will put my hand on some of his money. Oh, well this time not started to sweat. Traspira When not smell too good. \”

Aquarius – \ “Let’s change the position now. Oh, it’s much better. Let’s change the position again. I’m about bored, I need new ideas. \”

Pisces – \ “Looks good from this angle. It is even better so you can sit back and relax. Mmm, I really like. I wonder how a / his name? \”